I would suggest featuring the "all or nothing" aspect of your campaign way at the top, this will get the might as well/nothing to lose crowd to keep reading.
On Thu, Feb 20, 2014 at 4:23 PM, Cathal Garvey <cathalgarvey@cathalgarvey.me> wrote:
> Not even close. Don't wait 400 words until you reveal to the readerGreat advice, thanks.
> that your kit can make fluorescent bacteria. Make the offer up-front
> and the first thing that they read (not something about flash or
> proprietary whatevers).
Moving the video right below a baseless-claim-filled first 3 paragraphs.
> Move the video to the top. Your <h3>s are bad. Probably
> increase the font size; definitely less paragraphs, more
> hard-to-tell-if-baseless claims.
Increase normal font size? And are you suggesting smaller headers, h4/h5?
I had strongly considered taking an "any publicity is good publicity"
> Finally, if you want to kick up dirt, go email the annoying dorks at
> ETC Group.
approach. Plus, there's no better way to get loads of pro-GMO people to
see your work than to get some asshats like GMWatch to tweet about it.
But, given their startling success in getting Kickstarter
On 20/02/14 14:36, Bryan Bishop wrote:
> On Thu, Feb 20, 2014 at 8:06 AM, Cathal Garvey <cathalgarvey@cathalgarvey.me
>> wrote:
>
>> campaign page so far. Feedback very welcome; is this close to the level
>> of non-technical, beginner-friendly blurb I need? :)
>> http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/indiebb-your-first-gmo/x/4252296
>>
>
> Not even close. Don't wait 400 words until you reveal to the reader that
> your kit can make fluorescent bacteria. Make the offer up-front and the
> first thing that they read (not something about flash or proprietary
> whatevers). Move the video to the top. Your <h3>s are bad. Probably
> increase the font size; definitely less paragraphs, more
> hard-to-tell-if-baseless claims.
>
> Hire 10 different people on fiverr.com to steal kickstarter.com projects'
> copy and ask them to replace parts of the copy to make it work for your
> campaign. Have each of the 10 people write out the text that they would
> expect to see on a kickstarter.com campaign.
>
> Finally, if you want to kick up dirt, go email the annoying dorks at ETC
> Group.
>
> - Bryan
> http://heybryan.org/
> 1 512 203 0507
>
--
Please help support my crowdfunding campaign, IndieBB: Currently at
25.9% of funding goal, with 22 days left:
http://igg.me/at/yourfirstgmo/x/4252296
T: @onetruecathal, @IndieBBDNA
P: +3538763663185
W: http://indiebiotech.com
--
Regards,
Winand Slingenbergh
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