On Thu, Feb 20, 2014 at 8:06 AM, Cathal Garvey <cathalgarvey@cathalgarvey.me> wrote:
campaign page so far. Feedback very welcome; is this close to the level
of non-technical, beginner-friendly blurb I need? :)
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/indiebb-your-first-gmo/x/4252296
Not even close. Don't wait 400 words until you reveal to the reader that your kit can make fluorescent bacteria. Make the offer up-front and the first thing that they read (not something about flash or proprietary whatevers). Move the video to the top. Your <h3>s are bad. Probably increase the font size; definitely less paragraphs, more hard-to-tell-if-baseless claims.
Hire 10 different people on fiverr.com to steal kickstarter.com projects' copy and ask them to replace parts of the copy to make it work for your campaign. Have each of the 10 people write out the text that they would expect to see on a kickstarter.com campaign.
Finally, if you want to kick up dirt, go email the annoying dorks at ETC Group.
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